Bits n Bobs

This little hotch potch of stuff is the result of a browse through the archives.
Gerry in the dock has been sat in a file for long enough, Kitty was a result of reading something today, and the other cartoons, some relative some not, have been sat in a folder forever.

The poem, although I don't remember, I had posted a good while ago on Only in America. A poem I must say, that is a lot cleverer than might first appear, especially so if you consider all the talking points it covers.






Back in May our Madeleine,
Vanished while we had a gin.
We never got to go for dinner,
Unless we put a dope pill in ‘er.
When Kate checked up – I had to make ‘er,
“They” had had the gall to take ‘er!
We all jumped up and had a search,
That brat had left us in the lurch.
Then Katie said, “Oh never mind ‘er.
Call Sky News and they can find ‘er.”
But still the case was not resolved
And so policemen got involved.
We printed lots of photos of ‘er,
But then we thought, “Why should we bother?”
If we set up a fund instead,
Others can find her – we’ll stay in bed.
So we dumped the twins inside a crèche,
And learned to live our lives afresh.
We went on shows, we went on telly,
Our lips a-quiver, like raspberry jelly,
We begged the crowds to give us cash,
And amassed a tidy little stash.
We practised looking devastated
Our lust for fame could not be sated.
Every day was filled with hope,
We even got to meet the Pope!
He said to Kate, “Bless you, my child”,
And Katie simpered, blushed and smiled.
Then gazed towards the camera crew,
With doeful eyes and woe anew.
Then at a press meet, some H*n git,
Went and asked us if we’d done it?
We said, “How dare you! What a farce!
Look at us – we’re middle class!”
Well, not quite that, but that’s the gist
And we crossed her off our Christmas list.
Then the police came round to call
And said they’d found blood on the wall,
Philomena, round and fat,
Said it could have been a gnat.
And, you know, it could be true,
Mosquitoes leave a death scent too.
How’s a dog supposed to tell,
If someone is alive and well?
But it’s OK – they don’t suspect us,
The Portuguese love and respect us.
And so does everyone, it seems!
We are the stuff of poor folks’ dreams.
We’re classy and so dignified,
We’ve never screamed or retched or cried.
We don’t attempt a dirty search,
Instead we sit inside the Church,
Kate folds the pages of her Bible,
And talks of Maddie’s unusual eyeball.
The press at home can’t get enough,
Of all this ‘wonderful parents’ stuff,
They rightly tell the common classes,
All our critics are jumped-up arses.
But the Portuguese are not so nice,
Their press are looking at us twice.
They ask why we left the kids alone,
But EVERYONE does this at home.
They’re dropping hints – the feeling is
We have something to do with this!
It’s hurtful, unhelpful and just not true,
(Well, it might be, but we’re not telling you.)
The evidence grows day-by-day,
It’s all a bunch of lies, we say.
They’ve found death scent inside our car,
And the mileage has gone up too far,
There’s bodily fluids where the wheel should be,
(Hey, that’s just where we told the twins to wee.)
They’re claiming they’ve found DNA,
But is it Madeleine’s – who can say?
They’ve found a great big clump of hair,
But we say that they put it there.
“We cannot trust these Keystone cops!”
Katie rants and raves and strops.
They take us in and say we did it
And ask us where on Earth we hid it.
We will not answer such accusations
We use our initial allegations,
“Maddie was taken by a bunch of paedos!”
But still they make us both arguidos
This is not good – this is quite bad,
And Kate is getting really mad.
We need to get her home, it’s clear
Or else the twins will disappear.
So off we went on EasyJet
But we weren’t beaten – no, not yet!
We got the most expensive brief
And the government’s worn-out P.R. chief
That chap Branson's agreed to pay,
A fool and his money, as they say.
We ridiculed the use of science,
A most discredited appliance,
Our friends and family spread the word,
That all these rumours are quite absurd.
They’re utterly ridiculous.
In fact, they’re downright ludicrous.
We know that Maddy is not dead,
She’s gone to a better place instead.
Wherever she is, whatever her fate,
She’s better off now than she would be with Kate.

Author unknown.

Are We Nearly There Yet?

Because I think I'm going to throw up.




Well that was my original reaction, but now....




I just think they are taking the piss.




How bad does it get, Kate McCann artwork in aid of missing kids?

But just look who the ten watt bulb chooses to quote.

Then read the goddamn verse.

Taking the piss!?

Not 'alf.




h/t Anon

Jim Gamble. Where I come from, we have a technical term for this sort of thing

We call it, taking the piss.





The corner stone of this nonsensical abduction story offered by the McCanns has always centred around the window and the "jemmied shutters."

I have written about the shear impossibility of such a scenario here, and Dr Martin Roberts addresses the same likelihood and can be found at this link.

Below in black, white and red, are the accounts of McCann family members and friends, etched in stone as it were, and there is only one indisputable source for these accounts, Kate and Gerry McCann.

But firstly, prior to reading these accounts, we have to take a good look at the latest incredible words of Kate McCann.

This single paragraph is but one of many taken from the McCanns feeble effort to limit the fallout from what came to light in Lisbon. This latest blog entry written by Kate McCann? after their failed and misguided attempt to silence Goncalo Amaral and as such silence the truth.

The window: I described to the police officers exactly what I found that night, as it was and is highly relevant and I knew that every little detail could be helpful in finding my daughter which is our only aim. The window which is a ground floor window was completely open and is large enough for a person to easily climb through it. Whether it had been opened for this purpose remains unknown. It could of course have been opened by the perpetrator when inside the apartment as a potential escape route or left open as a 'red herring'

In the immortal words of John McEnroe, you cannot be serious, you really really cannot be serious.

Apart from a few lines by way of introduction, I have posted just the relevant parts of various articles.*

~ ~ ~

Agony as 3-yr-old vanishes from holiday flat

A HUGE hunt was going on last night for three-year-old Maddy McCann, feared snatched from her holiday flat.

Maddy is believed to have been taken as she slept in the complex on Portugal's Algarve as her doctor parents ate at a bar 120ft away. Her scent was picked up by a police sniffer dog. But it petered out after 400 yards.

Yesterday, 24 hours after the young child vanished in quiet Praia da Luz, anguished parents Gerry and Kate, both 38, of Rothley, Leics, begged for her return.

A friend said: "Kate rang us totally hysterical, saying Maddy was abducted. They're devastated."

The appalling news that three-year-old Maddy McCann was feared kidnapped from her holiday flat came in a distraught phone call early yesterday from her dad.

Heart specialist Gerry McCann rang his sister Trish in Scotland after Maddy vanished from her cot placed between two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie.

Trish revealed yesterday: "He was breaking his heart, saying 'Madeleine's been abducted, she's been abducted'."

Trish said: "When Kate checked, she came out screaming. Maddy had gone. The door was open and the window in the bedroom and shutters were jemmied open. Nothing had been touched and no valuables taken.

"They think someone must have come in the window and gone out the door with her."

Close family friend Gill Renwick, of Liverpool, who also spoke to GP Kate yesterday, said: "Poor Kate and Gerry don't know where to turn.

"Madeleine has obviously been taken. She couldn't have gone out on her own and the shutters were forced."

"The window shutters, which had been closed since we arrived on Saturday, were open along with the window. They can be opened from the outside.

"The window opens on to a car park. The door to the room was shut. It looks as if someone has come through the window and possibly left through the door."

~ ~ ~

Close family friend Jon Corner, of Liverpool, told how tearful Kate sobbed down the phone early yesterday: "Someone has taken my little girl."

Jon, godparent to the McCanns' twins, said: "She was in an absolutely hysterical state - very, very distressed. She blurted out Madeleine had been abducted.

"Kate said the shutters of the room were smashed. Madeleine was missing It looks as though someone had gone straight past the twins to get to her. Kate was incredibly upset. I've spoken to her since, and she's still completely devastated.
"She's also very upset that the police don't seem to be doing more to find Madeleine. She thinks there's too little happening."

Mark Warner management denied there were signs of forced entry at the flat claiming instead that roller shutters had been slid up and the bedroom window opened.

~ ~ ~

Jon Corner, a close friend of Mrs McCann and godparent of the twins, said Kate telephoned him in the middle of the night distraught.

He said: "She just blurted out that Madeleine had been abducted. She told me, 'They have broken the shutter on the window and taken my little girl.'

"They had left the apartment locked while they were having their meal, but when they went back the last time they saw the damage."

After speaking to her a second time, he repeated his earlier account, but this time in stronger language

He told how tearful Kate sobbed down the phone early yesterday: "Someone has taken my little girl."

He continued: "She was in an absolutely hysterical state - very, very distressed. She blurted out Madeleine had been abducted.

"Kate said the shutters of the room were smashed. Madeleine was missing It looks as though someone had gone straight past the twins to get to her. Kate was incredibly upset. I've spoken to her since, and she's still completely devastated.

"She's also very upset that the police don't seem to be doing more to find Madeleine. She thinks there's too little happening." (Get it in early.)

~ ~ ~

Brian Healy Grandfather.

"Gerry told me when they went back the shutters to the room were broken, they were jemmied up and she was gone," said Mr Healy. "She'd been taken from the chalet. The door was open."

~ ~ ~

A first rate argument for no abduction:

How did the alleged abductor snatch Madeleine in a time slot of no more than 3-4 minutes?

by Barbara Nottage

More excellent essays and analysis from Dr Martin Roberts, here and here.

Jim Gamble The CEOP A Horse's Arse

A small gallery to act as a reminder of the CEOP's efforts outside its remit. Any Government organisation given just the basics of this case and the McCann's appeal for, and use of, publicly donated money, should be more than sufficient cause for that organisation to treat this pair as what they are, pariahs.

One can only wonder at their motives, their integrity, and I won't say judgement, because quite obviously, the pro-active efforts by the CEOP on behalf of the McCanns does not exhibit bad judgement, it displays something else altogether.

You will have probably all seen photographs by now of the CEOP Logo on the blankets of the Met's horses. The Jim'll Fix It theme however is quite parochial, and a touch in the past, for readers from afar, Wiki-Jim'll Fix It.










What a diverse world this is, and people we are. I took a swift look on the web hoping I might drop lucky and find a piece of tape to stick Goncalo's gong on his bike.

People get passionate about all sorts of strange things, sticky tape being no exception. I Love Sticky Tape.

Jimmy's Little Rubber Stamp

How did I end up here? It was after making Gamble's stamp that I did a quick image search for "worthless" which of course brought up Zim dollars, which led to the diesel story, and the rest is history.

A small selection from the library, for your reading pleasure.

















I see Trafigura is back in the news, (Joana) so here's an oldie featuring the parasitical Adam Tudor.